Meepmeep!
by MichiRini
Summary: Cross between Harry Potter and Loony Toons! oneshot


_Disclaimer: The characters' names come from JK Rowling. The characters' personalities come from the Loony Toons. A certain quote comes from the movie "Carrie", which is based off of the book by Stephen King. This fanfiction was co-written by Marcus Humperdink (the name has been changed to protect the innocent). _

* * *

"MWA-HA-HA-HA!" cackled Lord Voldemort evilly as he opened his package. From the box he withdrew an Acme anvil. "This time I shall have him! _PETER!_"

Peter Pettigrew Apparated to his master's side. "Eh, what's up, doc?" he asked, munching nervously on a fingernail.

"Wormtail, fetch Lucius to me immediately!"

Peter spontaneously donned a mailman's uniform and took off on an invisible bike, crying out, "Telegram! Telegram! Telegram for Mr. Malfoy!"

Lucius Malfoy appeared at Voldemort's side, shortly followed by a normally robed Peter. The two seemed to have somehow gotten into a heated argument.

"RAT season!" Lucius yelled.

"TRAITOR season!" countered Peter.

"RAT season!"

"TRAITOR season!"

"RAT!"

"TRAITOR!"

"My lord!" Lucius pleaded with Voldemort. "Please, smite this rat with your awesome and terrible power!"

"No, my lord!" Peter argued. "Smite the traitor! I alone remained faithful to you—!"

"Smite the rat!"

"Smite the traitor!"

"Rat!"

"Traitor!"

"Rat!"

"Traitor!"

"Traitor!"

"Rat! _SMITE!_"

"_Crucio!_" Peter screamed in pain while Voldemort smote him with the Unforgivable Curse. "Shut up, both of you!" the Dark Lord demanded when he finally let up on the smiting. "Lucius, I need you to distract Harry Potter and his annoying side-kicks. And take Wormtail with you."

"Right away, my liege!"



Harry, Ron, and Hermione were walking through a deserted desert somewhere in Arizona. They didn't know why they were in Arizona; they just were. Ron was entertaining Harry and Hermione by speaking rapid-fire Spanish, looking frantic the whole time.

"¡Estoy tratando de decirte que alguien me maldijo!" Ron shouted, slamming one fist into his other one. "Es porque solo estoy hablando en español. ¿Por qué no me están escuchado?" When Ron didn't get any other answer besides laughter from Harry and Hermione, he got frustrated. "_Desgraciados!_" he yelled at them angrily.

Hermione looked up and stopped laughing to point at a long line of dirt that was rising above the normal level, as if someone was digging under the soil. The three friends watched the progress of the dirt, until it ended directly in front of them. Two blondes and a ratty looking man popped out from under the dirt, facing the other direction.

"I don't see them!" the rat-man said nervously. "Maybe I took a wrong turn at Albuquerque…"

Hermione tilted her head to one side, pointing at the three heads sticking out of the ground, and said in a high-pitched voice, "I thought I saw a Death Eater!"

Hearing this, the three men turned around, revealing Lucius and Draco Malfoy, and Peter Pettigrew. As soon as Draco so much as looked at Hermione, however, Lucius began furiously whacking him over the head with a Bible, screaming, "_The first sin is intercourse!_"

Hermione just looked joyfully down at the three men in front of her, saying in that same high-pitched voice: "I _did!_ I _did_ see a Death Eater!"

Suddenly Ron seemed to come to his senses. "¡Comedores de Muerte!" he screamed, grabbing Hermione's hand to run off in the opposite direction, leaving Harry to fend for himself against the three Death Eaters. As Ron ran, Harry could hear him crying out, "Arriba, arriba! Vamanos!"

Harry looked curiously down at the three men before him, occasionally tilting his head from side to side. After a few moments of silence, Harry began to notice a faint whistling sound coming from somewhere above. Harry jerked his head upwards to see where the whistling sound was coming from, and then ran off after Ron and Hermione with a hearty, "_Meep-meep!_"

The three Death Eaters watched the teenager disappear, leaving a trail of smoke in his wake, before they were crushed by a rather large Acme anvil.

"Curse you, Harry Potter!" Voldemort screamed from his perch atop the cliff that had been hanging over the group of teenagers. Then, somewhat quietly, he said to himself, "How does that boy move so fast? Darn those teenage hormones… maybe I should think about getting some…"

Meanwhile, Harry had caught up with Ron and Hermione, who had found Dumbledore waiting for them with Snape and Ginny.

"Oh, there you are, dears!" Dumbledore said, ruffling the hairs of each teenager in an affectionate way. "I was beginning to get worried about you. But here you are! And I have brought Ginny to help you on your mission."

Ginny, who had been watching Harry excitedly, suddenly pounced on him. Her hug forced Harry to the ground, but she didn't let up even then. "Oh _Harry_!" she exclaimed. "I didn't think I would _ever_ see you _again!_ I'm gonna hug you and kiss you and love you and squeeze you and—!"

"_MEEP-MEEP_!" Harry screeched for help.

Ron could only watch, horrified, as his sister choked Harry to death. "Ay, caramba," he muttered, shaking his head at the sight.

It was finally Hermione who pulled Ginny off of Harry, but Ginny didn't go willingly. She struggled against the older girl's grip, trying to get back to Harry. And the whole time Ginny was loudly proclaiming her love for her hippogriff-tattooed hero.

"¡Él no tiene un tatuaje!" Ron cried as he quickly inspected all of Harry's skin that was visible outside of his clothes.

"He doesn't have a tattoo!" Hermione exclaimed as she quickly looked over Harry's exposed skin to make sure.

"_Meep-meep_!" Harry gasped, looking over the skin that was not covered by his clothes.

"I should _hope_ Harry doesn't have a tattoo," Dumbledore said, _tsk-tsk-_ing the Chosen One. "Tattoos are not appropriate for growing young boys."

"No estamos jóvenes," Ron protested. "¡Estamos hombres!" Ron pounded his fist against his chest at this, only to emit a high-pitched squeak when Hermione randomly poked him in the side.

"_Meep-meep_!" Harry exclaimed, pointing in the direction he had come from.

"It seems that the Chosen One is trying to tell us something," Snape said in an analytical and nasal tone of voice.

"Oh yeah!" Hermione remembered, releasing Ginny to once again run to shove Harry into the ground in a back-breaking embrace. "We ran into some Death Eaters back there: Peter Pettigrew, Lucius Malfoy, and—."

"SHUT UP YOU VARMINTS!" The whole group turned to see Draco Malfoy pointing two wands at them, one wand held over a bent knee, as if he was brandishing two pistols instead of wands. "I'm here to collect my reward for bringin' Harry Potter to the Dark Lord!"

"_Meep-meep!_" Harry gulped.

"¡Usted nunca tomará Harry!" Ron cried ferociously.

"You'll never take Harry!" Hermione verified with a sharp nod.

Dumbledore smiled down at the teenagers. "Now now, children," he scolded. "We never fight. Fighting is bad! Put your wands down this instant!"

Ron, Hermione, and Harry—who had been aiming his wand at Draco over the shoulder of a still-suffocating Ginny—reluctantly turned their wands over to the over-protective headmaster. It took one stern look from Dumbledore before Draco would give his wands up, though. After surrendering his wands, Draco went scurrying off back to wherever he'd come from.

"Oh dear," Snape sighed in his nasal voice. "I'll have to have a talk with him when he comes back to the castle."

"¿Estas loco?" Ron exclaimed. "¡Él no regresará a Hogwarts después de que lo que hecho!"

"Be very quiet," everyone suddenly heard a soft voice whisper. "I'm hunting Chosen Ones!"

"Oh dear," Snape said once again. "It seems that Macnair has followed us to this location. We'll have to blow up the earth a bit sooner than I thought…" Snape opened his cloak to reveal a belt full of TNT, enough to blow up the entire world. Somehow all of the fuses of the dynamite had already been lit, but no one could remember Snape ever igniting them, and no fuses were _that_ long.

"_Aguamenti!_" Hermione quickly recited, causing a stream of water to hit the fuses and extinguish the flames. Dumbledore looked quickly at the girl, remembering that he still held Hermione's wand; she'd stolen his!

"Now now, Hermione," Dumbledore chastised, holding his hand out for his wand. "Give me my wand back, please." Hermione waited for a second, innocently rubbing at the ground with the toe of one foot, before giving Dumbledore his wand. "Thank you, dearie."

"Ah-HA!" a voice called out: Macnair. "I finally caught you!"

Harry smiled before waving a quick good-bye and taking off into the distance, yelling jovially, "_Meep-meep!_" At that same moment, though, Dumbledore had chucked a random stick of dynamite at Macnair, causing the man to blow up into a tall, thin stick-looking creature with large white eyes that blinked twice before his whole body disintegrated before the good guys.

"_MEEP-MEEP!_" they heard, and looked up: Harry was doing battle with Voldemort on top of the cliff!

"You'll never take me down, Harry," Voldemort panted as he sent a Killing Curse in Harry's direction. "You don't even have your wand!"

"_Meep-meep!_" Harry responded wittily.

"What the hell does that mean?"

Harry wasn't listening to Voldemort; he was too busy trying to shove a boulder down towards Voldemort. Normally the boulder would have been way too heavy for Harry to move, but since this was an alternate dimension and all, Harry was able to move the gigantic mass anyway. The 500kg boulder began to move, chasing Voldemort off of the edge of the cliff and onto nothing but air.

Voldemort looked down for a moment, realizing what he had done. He seemed to hang in mid-air for a good ten seconds, before looking back up and holding a sign—that seemed to pop up out of nowhere—that said in big block letters: "YIPE!" And then the Dark Lord fell to the ground with a whistling sound, desperately trying to open what looked like a bright pink parasol.

Harry leaned over the edge of the cliff and watched, until a tiny puff of smoke at the bottom of the cliff told him that Voldemort had finally hit the base.

Suddenly, Cornelius Fudge Apparated next to Harry and, spreading his arms wide, announced: "Abbrie—abbrie—abbrie—erm, that's all, folks!"

* * *

_Cast of Characters:_

_Wile E. Coyote...Lord Voldemort_

_the Roadrunner...Harry J. Potter_

_Bugs Bunny...Peter Pettigrew, a.k.a. Wormtail_

_Speedy Gonzales...Ronald Weasley_

_Daffy Duck...Lucius Malfoy_

_Tweety Bird...Hermione Granger_

_Elmer Fudd...Macnair_

_Elvira...Ginevra Weasley_

_Marvin the Martian... Severus Snape_

_Granny...Albus Dumbledore_

_Yosammitty Sam...Draco Malfoy_

_This fanfiction was written and directed by:_

_Darci Kirkner and Marcus Humperdink_

_(the names have been changed to protect the innocent)_

_This fanfiction is dedicated to all of the people who love being insane. ;P_


End file.
